Unsure

Earlier today, I ran into a lady that I sold copies of my 1^st and 2^nd novels years ago. She said that she ran into a co-worker who has ALL of my books and loves my writing. She said that her co-worker proudly claims the title of my biggest fan. It’s always great to hear things like that. Sometimes I feel like I’m shouting into the wind during a hurricane and not being heard. When I hear things like this, I realize that I am making progress and it tells me that I’m really way MORE known than I usually assume. That’s a beautiful thing and it reminds me that all of this work I’ve been putting in hasn’t been in vain. I’m not financially secure or as stable as I’d like to be. The quality of my life still goes with the ebb and flow of my book sales. I keep going because I’m too stubborn to quit and when it comes to my talent, I’ll never stop believing in it. There is zero chance that I’ll quit. That doesn’t mean that it’s going to be easy to keep going.

I’m not designed in a way to make me comfortable to whine and gripe online. In fact, I don’t fuss much at all, ever…no matter what’s going on. I just handle what needs to get done and try my best to survive the bs I can’t change. I’ve always been the type of man that gets shit done, even when what needs doing seems impossible. The weight of that is heavy and I know I’m wrong to occasionally envy the folks without a conscience who get to be wrong, who are allowed to fail miserably at everything that’s important without consequences. I have people who depend on me, mainly my children and there are things that I can’t fuck up because it would affect them. Still, I think that because I don’t complain, most people don’t realize how I toe the line between sane and insane. There are times when I mentally check out…when I just want to be left alone as I fantasize about a time when I’ll finally have peace. I take breaks from wrestling with the outside world, which has become more and more of a savage beast. Don’t let the fact that I don’t wear stress on the outside fool you into thinking that I have it easy or sweet.

Some of the things I have to deal with daily should have led to me being committed somewhere, secured in a straightjacket. (At least it would be quiet.) I think I’m just too determined and tough to let anything defeat me. The beast is in for a fight if it wants to eat me…and I hope it gets sick and can’t digest me if it manages to. The way people seem to be determined to destroy other people, or make them feel just as bad as they do makes me sad…and angry too. I look around and realize that on a whole, people are petty and spread misery like a virus. The only way to stay happy is to block it all out, no matter who is projecting the bad vibes that will poison you too eventually. I don’t care how close we are, I won’t allow it. I SWEAR I won’t.

Some people think I’m distant. Others would swear that I’m inconsistent. I guess that’s true, depending on where they’re standing…or what they want from me…but you see…the problem is that somebody ALWAYS wants something from me and sometimes…honestly…I just want to “be.” You see…I don’t want to be responsible for anybody’s heart…although I DO wish that everyone was happy. I’m too melancholy and moody for anyone to consistently depend on me to be the deciding factor on whether or not their heart soars on any particular day…unless they really do accept and want me, just because they love who I am…the good and the bad.

Before I go, I just want to say that I really mean it, with my heart and soul when I thank you guys for supporting my work. I love you all for every book you’ve bought, every review you’ve written, every email, every other person you’ve told about my work, every selfie you’ve posted with my books, every comment, every like, every share every hug and all the love.

THE ROAD…SO FAR

Recently, I finally finished writing and released my latest novella titled, “Kiss MeBefore You Say Goodnight.” I remember 2010 when I self-published my 2^nd novel, “Open Spaces,” and eight years later, I often lose count of how many I’ve written since then. I can honestly say that I’m proud of how far I’ve come. I don’t often acknowledge or pay attention to my accomplishments because I’m usually looking ahead at how far I still have to go to reach my goals. It’s that kind of drive that made me jump right into writing my next novel, “Cursed immortals: The Tower of Seven,” which I plan to release at the end of October 2018. However, as focused as I am on the future, a friend recently told me that I shouldn’t forget to celebrate the smaller victories along the way.

When I thank readers for their support, I want them to know how much they really mean to me. The reason why I try my best to write a different note in every paperback I sign is because that is my way of showing them how much I appreciate them. Some of them have been reading my work since the first book, “Water Flows UnderDoors,” and some of them have just discovered me but they are ALL vital to keeping this thing going. I am a full-time author so this isn’t a hobby or a pastime for me. Book sales pay my bills and put food on my table. Without my readers, none of that is possible. I’m fortunate to have built such a solid foundation with so many people who genuinely want to see me win.

The road that I’m on has never been an easy one. If most folks really knew some of the things I’ve been through, they would wonder why I didn’t quit. I’ve had moments when I’ve pondered that myself, believe me but, it’s just not in my DNA to give up, especially not while my children are watching me. I never want them to abandon their dreams or goals so what kind of example would I be setting if I did?

I’m grateful for the people that really love me. The laughs, the jokes, the good morning texts and the words of encouragement always get me through the rough times. I don’t complain much, no matter what’s going on. All the same, someone always pops in to check on me at just the right time and says just the right thing without even knowing how much I needed to hear it. That’s a blessing.

What’s next? Well, more books of course. A few independent films too. I won’t get into everything because, just like in my writing, I prefer to SHOW and not TELL. If you’re reading this, you probably REALLY rock with me and for that, thanks. Stay tuned, keep in touch and you’ll see what I have in store.

UPDATE: Monday July 23, 2018

As I wait for the paperback copies of “Kiss Me Before You Say Goodnight” to finally arrive at my door, I haven’t wasted any time jumping right back into my writing laboratory to work on “Cursed Immortals: The Tower of Seven.” I’ve been writing notes and scribbling out scenes in worn notebooks for years so it has been a smooth transition, thank goodness. There are chapters that may end up being WAY sexier than I originally intended because I’m still in that “erotic” sorta creative vibe because of the last project but, a little extra sexiness is never a bad thing right? I’m sure it won’t hurt the story at all.

As always, my PLATINUM Patreon members will receive a FREE paperback copy of the book when it is released, hopefully towards the end of September. This time around, I have a little something extra for everyone who pre-orders “Cursed Immortals: The Tower of Seven” as well.

I’ve shared the entire first chapter of the novel HERE already so by now, I hope you’ve read it. In Chapter II, the heat turns up another few notches with a deadly standoff that takes place in the lobby of Seven’s skyscraper in the middle of the night. That is where I introduce 7 individuals who serve as Seven’s elite Red Guard who confront Yusef, (aka: War) who somehow bypassed the security and has come to make trouble as he tries to find out what has become of Cali. I’m sure that readers will be curious about the identities of those mysterious bodyguards dressed in crimson. I just felt that to get into the details at that point of the novel would have hurt and hindered the flow of the story. However, that certainly doesn’t mean that I don’t intend to share their backstories.

I’m VERY excited to announce that I’ll also be releasing a companion novella on the same day I release “Cursed Immortals,” titled, “The Rise of the Red Guard” where readers will learn exactly who Seven’s bodyguards are. Everyone who pre-orders “Cursed Immortals: The Tower of Seven” will receive a FREE, autographed paperback copy of that companion novella. (Keep checking the blog. I'll be sharing the link to pre-order your autographed copies the first week in August) 

It’s going to be challenging to have BOTH books done by September but what’s life without a little pressure, right? But, never fear…I do my best writing when I’m pushing myself so you can expect two awesome reads.

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"Kiss Me Before You Say Goodnight" Update

Okay…I’m back! Did you miss me?

I want to really thank you guys for being so patient with me while I went through the process of getting “Kiss Me Before You Say Goodnight” edited, formatted and ready for print. Now that I’m done with all of that, I can get back to posting here more regularly.

I wrote most of “Kiss Me Before You Say Goodnight” on my Patreon page for my subscribers so they've been with me on this journey to release my latest novella, all the way from the beginning to the end. It was really fun going through the process and sharing the story, chapter by chapter every week. Knowing that they were waiting for the new installments inspired me to work faster to get those chapters done. Every author can always use ALL the extra motivation they can get. (We tend to be procrastinators by nature.) Hopefully, you will all love the polished, finished product. I’m ordering the first shipment tonight as soon as I get the notification from the printer that the files I uploaded have been approved and are ready to print. (All of my PLATINUM Patreon subscribers will automatically receive free copies.)

Now, I can get back to focusing on “Cursed Immortals.” While I work on that one, I’ll get back to sharing samples from my books here and also blogging about my sometimes crazy life. Stay tuned.

Happy Sunday and I wish you all a great week!

Note: "Kiss Me Before You Say Goodnight" originally started out as a short story titled, "The Hottest Cup" but as I started to expand the story, the title just seemed weird and didn't fit the narrative so I changed it. 

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I Apologize

I Apologize

I woke up early this morning after only getting about an hour of sleep. For some strange reason, my thoughts were stuck in the past as I replayed some parts of my life that I’ve ignored for a while now. Some of the memories I couldn’t shake were good and some of them weren’t all that great. I thought about the things I got right but I also looked back at my mistakes. I remembered people that I’m glad I separated myself from and I was haunted with fond feelings for a few people that I still miss…even to this day.

I apologize if I ever let you down. I try my best but I’m not perfect. You loved me because you could see exactly what I wanted to be but I’m sorry if I missed the mark. Evolution is a beautiful thing and I’m still evolving. I apologize if I haven’t always been around. I apologize for maybe not being there when I was supposed to be. I had to take some time to get some things together. (Even now, I’m still working on those things.) I had to stop trying to be somebody’s boyfriend or husband so that I could get myself together as a man. I got lost in my career and raising my children. There was even conflict in that as I tried to find balance between being a single father and an independent author. I needed to make time for the kids but, I had to make time for the books because that’s how I took care of the kids. Some people understand and to those folks, I appreciate you even though I might not get to tell you face-to-face.

I realize and recognize that everything isn’t supposed to last forever. Even though I believe that I make my own fate, I also know that some things aren’t meant to be. I hope I never caused you any pain but if I did, I apologize. If I ever hurt you in any way, I apologize. If you ever did anything to hurt me, I forgive you…even if I won’t forget…and I still wish you all the best. It’s much harder to be a monster than to be human…the way we were always meant to be. Hopefully, if I ever harmed your heart, I hope you can forgive me.

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Dream Killers

I apologize for going missing once again. I've been busy. I'm still filming my 1st independent film, creating fresh content for my Patreon page, writing a new novella while also writing two full-length novels. (It's ALWAYS better to be busy than bored so I'm definitely NOT complaining) All of these things will pay off. I decided to share the post I created for the folks who subscribe to my Patreon page with you guys today because I believe that it's a message that EVERYONE should hear loud and clear.

Dream killers

You had a dream from the time you were a kid. Somewhere along the way, time and circumstances slowly sapped your belief that you could make those dreams reality. If you still managed to hold on to even a tiny spark of that magic, you’re a special person. Most people’s aspirations die slow, unceremonious deaths and no one even mourns them. But, if you’ve managed to hold onto the idea that you can make your dreams real, here’s what to expect:

People will NEVER believe in your dream as much as YOU do, and you shouldn’t expect them to. If you make the mistake of thinking that anyone is going to have as much faith in what you’re chasing as you do, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Remember, most people have settled for whatever life has put on their plate. Most people underachieve so, HOW DARE YOU try to overachieve. That’s the vibe they’ll give you…sometimes in subtle ways but you’ll pick up on it. When you realize that YOU ARE NOT REGULAR, regular people will try to crush your spirit…in subtle ways but, if you pay attention, you’ll pick up on it. Most of the folks you call friends will want to see you do well but even among them, you’ll have some who want you to do well enough to be ok but never elevate to the point where you actually reach your FULL potential. Why? Because they settled and will never reach theirs.

Not everyone that enters your life is meant to be there forever. For them, the road may not go any further but yours might just keep going. When you don’t want to remain stuck where they’re standing, they’ll show you how much they hate that you want to move on. Without even fully knowing or realizing what they’re doing, they’ll try to infect you with doubt and fears that are THEIRS, not YOURS. It takes a great deal of strength to keep pushing when you’re surrounded by doubters and dream killers. Keep pushing anyway. As I’ve said before, the ONLY person that needs to believe is YOU. Eventually, as long as you put the work in, you’ll cross paths with people who support your work and believe in it. Aim for the sky so you can sleep on the clouds.  

I hope this post resonates with you and encourages you to pursue your dreams, passionately AND with conviction. Block out the outside noise and do what you need to do.

Feel free to subscribe to my Patreon page. Their are different benefits at each level of support but choose whichever tier suits your budget. I appreciate any and all support moving forward.

Also, my team and I are accepting donations to help us finish making this movie. If you'd like to contribute, here's the link to do so: DONATIONS Everything helps. Thanks in advance. 

Rainy Days Are for Lovers

Happy Hump Day guys. Blame the wet weather lately for this post. It brought up a lot of old memories.

Rainy Days Are for Lovers

On this cloudy day, I’ve been sipping that strong white rum since just after sunrise. The television is off. The radio is too and the color of the bedroom is gloomy grey, almost the same shade as a black & white photo but today, it happens to be the color of real life at the moment. It’s so quiet that I can hear each raindrop as I watch her breathe, sleeping peacefully right next to me. She stirs and I smile. Maybe, even in her dreams she can feel my eyes as I look at her face and study every feature and every line, as if she was a drawing, or a vividly colored painting. Sometimes, she might as well been a work of art because to have her here with me, in my bed, still feels surreal. It’s sexy knowing that, in this bubble of space and in this small window of time, she chose to be mine.

In the symphony that is the sound of the falling rain outside, I hear her voice, her laugh and everything she’s ever whispered as the droplets beat against my window and taps on the concrete on the wet streets. I lean close to her, press my lips to her cheek and kiss her. The way she sighs when she feels it makes me wonder if she had been awake the whole time. She moves under the blanket, just enough for the bare skin of her thigh to touch against mine. Her skin is so soft that I want to kiss her there too. I feel a sudden rush of adrenaline as I pull away the covers and see her naked legs, her soft thighs and magical places hidden beneath her lace panties. She stretches and almost reveals her brown areolas as her T-shirt lifts up to almost uncover her breasts. Her nipples pressed against the cotton of the shirt. I heard her sigh when she felt my first kiss on her thigh, just above her left knee. I’m sure she’s awake when I grip the waist of her panties because of the way she eases her hips up off of the bed to help me slide them off. I wasn’t surprised when she parted her thighs smoothly and slowly, to show me what she had for me.

I knew she was awake as I placed that first kiss on her softest place. My lips found her lips and I kiss those lips as if they were the plump lips that she bit as I got my first taste. She grabs my head as she sighs, closes her legs just enough for me to feel the softness of her thighs against my cheeks. She lets go of my head so she can take off her T-shirt. I make love to her with my tongue until I know she’s had enough…for now. I firmly grip her hips as I slowly kiss my way up, first at her tummy, then her breasts and finally find her other lips. I feel her stiff nipples with my fingers as she tastes herself on my tongue. I feel her hands as she reaches into my underwear to make sure that I’m ready to give her what comes next. When she feels it, she squeezes it and frees it from my boxer briefs. I can’t wait another minute to feel her so I pull my underwear halfway down in my haste.

The first stroke takes patience and some work. She’s wet and willing but still tight so I ease the tip in. As her body relaxes, I put more and more as she welcomes me into her. There are natural laws that govern the universe and we are no different. We fit together, emotionally, physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually with the type of sensuality that is dangerously addictive. We feed off of each other’s energy and it feels like magic. We’re never better than when we’re locked together. I can read her thoughts and she can read mine. We lose track of time, entwined as lovers, only concerned about each other. The attraction is so strong that it’s impossible to distract us. The world could explode or fall apart and we wouldn’t even notice until we were both gone...right along with it.

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Wanted

Wanted

The difference between being WANTED versus being needed is a divide as wide as the universe.

I recently watched a short clip of an interview where a male celebrity said that he likes to FEEL that his woman needs him. He admitted to actually craving that feeling. It seemed like a fairly reasonable statement, one that I’m sure many people would agree with. I think it’s also safe to assume that most people want to feel as if their significant other, their life partner, their lover…needs them. But, as I gave it some thought, I really started to wonder if being needed is something I want. I’ve been in relationships where I’m certain that my woman needed me, and I’m sure that I’ve needed woman before but as I reflected on the past, I sat back, prepared to smoke a cigar and really asked myself if that’s how I would really prefer for things to be.

I clipped the end of my Cohiba, then lit the tip with a real wooden match as I sat back and relaxed with thoughts of past relationships weighing heavily on my heart…or maybe the weight wasn’t actually on my heart but really on my brain because over the years I had recovered and healed from all of the past pain.

The smoke from the cigar hit my lungs but I didn’t hold it in for long. I let it go and as it danced around in front of my face, it formed a thick white cloud. In that cloud, I saw the shape of past histories that I thought I had buried, metaphorically speaking. I saw the faces of beautiful lovers, amazing women that I’ve loved and lived parts of my life with. I remembered the ones who truly loved me the most clearly…in vivid color. Some of the others I only saw in black & white and shades of grey, like old shows on a television set. I looked deeper and realized that they were all with me for different reasons and for my part, it was the same.

I used to want to feel needed but now I realize that THAT kind of connection, as real as it may seem, isn’t really healthy for me. I used to live, and love, as if I was trying to undo all of my father’s mistakes. I was obsessed with being a better man but, I only attracted people who needed saving whenever I put on that bright, red cape. I found out, through pain and misfortune that you can’t trust that kind of parasitic bond because both of you will always wonder about its sincerity. The question will always be, “Does she love you because she needs you or, is she in your bed because that’s where she wants to be?” That’s the question that will haunt you and eventually cause whatever you share to sour in the end.

There is POWER and MAGIC in wanting someone versus needing them. People always say that they like to feel needed but I disagree with most people. I don’t want to be NEEDED because I’ve learned that it’s much more REAL to be WANTED instead. It’s all about choice…and freedom. I know so many people who are ONLY cuffed together because, financially, they have to lean on each other just to get by, to have any kind of bearable life, even though they’re miserable together on most days. They lie to themselves and pretend to be good. I can’t, and won’t accept that kind of plastic, fake, twisted, painful existence. There is power and magic when she CAN do everything for herself but WANTS to be right next to you because she simply loves YOU. Desire makes her pull you close to her and THAT is the kind of real you can feel.

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Overdose

Overdose

I am greedy whenever SHE is around me. I do everything to let HER know that I don’t want to let HER go even though she’s always FREE to leave. SHE is not my prisoner or my property and I don’t want to own HER, or control HER. SHE stays because SHE wants to…not because SHE needs to. That’s how you can always tell if a woman REALLY FEELS you…when she had a million options but still decided to choose YOU.

As I exhale this cigar smoke, I can see HER face in the cloud I create around my head and in front of my face. If I close my eyes, I can hear HER voice as clear as if SHE was right here, whispering in my ear. With the lights off, I can feel HER touch as SHE traces the lines of my tattoos and reads the story that each line of the inked designs secretly shares. Even in my smoke-filled room, above the aroma of my cigar, I can still smell the sweet fragrance she dabbed right behind HER ear and at the nape of HER neck. SHE’s the only woman that makes me scared of how much I want her. I live in constant danger of overdosing on HER and everything that SHE is because she can snatch my soul with a kiss. Love is HER gift but she won’t give it to just anybody.

Copyright © 2018 Keith Kareem Williams

All rights reserved.

Only Between the Sheets

Happy Tuesday folks. It's raining here in Brooklyn. Here's a little something I free-styled last night.

Only Between the Sheets

The closeness that was always there has disappeared and makes me wonder how the fuck we got here. I’m overwhelmed with confusion, questioning how what felt so real can seem like an illusion from where I’m standing now.

When we first met, it was like something out of a movie, the way you looked at me and the way I could make you laugh felt like we were living out the best romantic comedy ever written. I fell in love with your smile and everything I saw in your eyes way before you even let me touch your kitten. You always said that what we had felt like it was written and fated to be. I remember late night conversations over bowls of rum & raisin ice cream in the kitchen. Now we just smoke and drink together but the deep, dope conversations are missing. We both continue to play our roles, maintain the routine but honestly, it has started to feel like acting when we’re kissing.

We don’t feel close when we walk past each other every day like ghosts, translucent shades of what we used to be and I wonder if you miss me, even though I’m standing right here. I know it might surprise you that I still care because you don’t believe that I see you, even though you’re standing right there. We won’t say goodbye because we’re stubborn but also, deep down, somewhere, we both don’t want to be anywhere but right here, even as cold as it has become. We just don’t know how to fix things to make it like it used to be between us.

The only place we don’t feel far apart is between the sheets of the bed we still share. The way I still get up for you, over and over again shows that I still care, even if my heart of full of fear. I don’t want to lose you and no matter what, I’ll always choose you. You’ve got a special kind of voodoo and even though we hardly speak, I’m still in love with everything that you do. Nowadays, when I’m deep inside you is the only time you say my name. The way you moan it makes me believe that you miss the sound of it on your lips. Only when we make love, all the times we fuck, are the times we get back a small part of the things we lost but I worry about the cost. We’re lovers, not friends and I’m not sure if we can get back to being good again.

I hope you enjoyed that freestyle. Click this LINK to Subscribe to Patreon page to read longer stories and Flash Fiction that I share over there.