Uninterrupted

I don't often speak about my personal life on here. I don't like to...and I don't feel the need to. I write books but, I don't like turning my life into a reality show to be consumed by anyone scrolling through my timeline. I HAVE to say this though. I thank the Most High for the gift he gave me to express myself with words on paper. I write these to share with you but many of the things I write are for ME. When I zone out, and write my thoughts on paper...I'm able to do that uninterrupted. I don't have simple thoughts, so it takes me a while to fully express how I I feel, or what I think. those of you who enjoy my books have come to love the complexity of the maze that I take you through to express something as simple and common as love. Unfortunately for me, I've never really met anyone who fully understands who I am as a person. (The ones who have come close...I love the most) I look at the way that the movie that is my life has played out. I've met so many talkers who need desperately to unload how they feel, felt or are feeling. I listen. Maybe that's why they gravitate to me. Sadly, I've never met many nurturing listeners, and that's where things go awry. I get frustrated when people make incorrect assumptions about my motives, actions, or feelings. It's more painful than I can find words to describe. I've let go of situations after I realize that this would not change. So, you see...there's a peacefulness to me writing my thoughts down on paper....where I can speak freely and whoever looks at the words are forced to listen. I'm not a perfect person but, I've never done anything in my life out of spite. There have been times when I could have hurt people, deeply....and chose not to. Sometimes I wonder what it's all for when people will demonize you anyway. Then, I remember the gifts that the Most High has given me. My life is not perfect but, it's better than it was. Every day it gets better than it has been. I've always said that "I define me!" I'm just a man trying to do the best that I can. Not everyone will understand me. Not everyone will understand that. Some people are blind because they can only see the world through the prism that they hold up against their own eye, as their own emotions and feelings swirl around inside of it and strip away their empathy, hiding their faults and what they've brought on themselves. People often ask me about relationships and what's personally going on in my life. The great love of my life is a girl from the Bronx that I don't even speak to anymore, 75% because of my own fears and foolishness. There was another from Corona Queens but, I chose someone else over her at a time when I wasn't supposed to. There is another that is so far away that what we had always felt like a fairytale. (See? I'm as imperfect as they come.) I loved them because in their eyes, I could see that they not only listened....but they "Heard me." Many of the things I write in my books, the deep sentiment about love...are tributes to them. On these pages I can write...express how I feel...uninterrupted.