January 7, 2017 - Another Birthday but THIS one is Special

January 7, 2017

Today is my 41^st birthday. (Yeah, I know I don’t LOOK 41 physically but, tell that to my soul.) This birthday feels special to me for a few reasons. When I look back, at all the friends that I grew up with and I realize how many of them are gone, I feel like I need to live my life to the fullest for them too. I want to do EVERYTHING that they would have wanted to do but never got the chance to. I think about the road I’ve been on and ALL of the bullshit, the muck and the fuckery I’ve had to crawl through to make it this far. I’m sure that there’s more to come but, I’ve made it this far. Life has tried and tested me in ways that have been cruel and wicked. I’m still here though because I’m a fucking savage when I need to be and I never stopped pushing in the direction I want to go…no matter what. I’m more stubborn than anything that has tried to stop me. Don’t get me wrong, there are things that made me despair at different times but that ignorant, insane belief in myself always made me get up, even when maybe some people would have given up.

I feel good. Why? Because I’m happy. Why am I happy? I am happy because nothing bothers me. Human beings don’t surprise me anymore. I accept what I can’t change, about life and also about people. Despite all of the wickedness, spitefulness and shade that has been thrown my way, there’s still more love…for me and around me. I don’t hold grudges and I don’t keep malice. I refuse to use up any space in my chest for that. I only have one (maybe two now) grey hairs in my beard because I NEVER worry…about anything. I just don’t stress. Things happen the way they’re supposed to. I accept that. I fight for the things in life that I want and I get what is meant for me. Nothing can stop that. I help people who need my help when I can. That makes me happy too. Sometimes a little love is all someone needs to get them through a dark time. There’s nothing wrong with giving them that…and they don’t owe me for the rest of their lives because of it. The more people you can make smile is the brighter the light around your own life will be. A lot of people should learn that.

I’m happy that I woke up this morning. (You still won’t see me smiling in pictures though Lol)

To everyone that I’ve ever met or been in contact with in life…I want to thank you ALL for being a part of this journey that I’m on. I appreciate every one of you…for the love…the bullshit at times and the lessons I learned from every one of you. You ALL helped shape me into what I am and here I stand. There’s nothing I would change and if I could come back and live again, I’d come back in this same skin, with this same face and with this same soul. Thanks for loving who I am. Thanks for not making it always easy for me because I learned how to cope with everything and anything that comes my way. Even the negativity drives me in the direction I need to go.  Because of you, I’m a father, an author and a man. Thank you. If you’re STILL here, in my life, stick around for a little bit longer and I promise to show you something amazing. I’m closer to my dreams so watch what I do next.