Monday, June 25, 2018

I Apologize


I Apologize

I woke up early this morning after only getting about an hour of sleep. For some strange reason, my thoughts were stuck in the past as I replayed some parts of my life that I’ve ignored for a while now. Some of the memories I couldn’t shake were good and some of them weren’t all that great. I thought about the things I got right but I also looked back at my mistakes. I remembered people that I’m glad I separated myself from and I was haunted with fond feelings for a few people that I still miss…even to this day.
I apologize if I ever let you down. I try my best but I’m not perfect. You loved me because you could see exactly what I wanted to be but I’m sorry if I missed the mark. Evolution is a beautiful thing and I’m still evolving. I apologize if I haven’t always been around. I apologize for maybe not being there when I was supposed to be. I had to take some time to get some things together. (Even now, I’m still working on those things.) I had to stop trying to be somebody’s boyfriend or husband so that I could get myself together as a man. I got lost in my career and raising my children. There was even conflict in that as I tried to find balance between being a single father and an independent author. I needed to make time for the kids but, I had to make time for the books because that’s how I took care of the kids. Some people understand and to those folks, I appreciate you even though I might not get to tell you face-to-face.
I realize and recognize that everything isn’t supposed to last forever. Even though I believe that I make my own fate, I also know that some things aren’t meant to be. I hope I never caused you any pain but if I did, I apologize. If I ever hurt you in any way, I apologize. If you ever did anything to hurt me, I forgive you…even if I won’t forget…and I still wish you all the best. It’s much harder to be a monster than to be human…the way we were always meant to be. Hopefully, if I ever harmed your heart, I hope you can forgive me.


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