I Apologize
I woke up early this morning
after only getting about an hour of sleep. For some strange reason, my thoughts
were stuck in the past as I replayed some parts of my life that I’ve ignored
for a while now. Some of the memories I couldn’t shake were good and some of
them weren’t all that great. I thought about the things I got right but I also
looked back at my mistakes. I remembered people that I’m glad I separated
myself from and I was haunted with fond feelings for a few people that I still
miss…even to this day.
I apologize if I ever let you
down. I try my best but I’m not perfect. You loved me because you could see
exactly what I wanted to be but I’m sorry if I missed the mark. Evolution is a
beautiful thing and I’m still evolving. I apologize if I haven’t always been
around. I apologize for maybe not being there when I was supposed to be. I had
to take some time to get some things together. (Even now, I’m still working on
those things.) I had to stop trying to be somebody’s boyfriend or husband so
that I could get myself together as a man. I got lost in my career and raising
my children. There was even conflict in that as I tried to find balance between
being a single father and an independent author. I needed to make time for the
kids but, I had to make time for the books because that’s how I took care of
the kids. Some people understand and to those folks, I appreciate you even
though I might not get to tell you face-to-face.
I realize and recognize that
everything isn’t supposed to last forever. Even though I believe that I make my
own fate, I also know that some things aren’t meant to be. I hope I never
caused you any pain but if I did, I apologize. If I ever hurt you in any way, I
apologize. If you ever did anything to hurt me, I forgive you…even if I won’t
forget…and I still wish you all the best. It’s much harder to be a monster than
to be human…the way we were always meant to be. Hopefully, if I ever harmed
your heart, I hope you can forgive me.
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