Friday, December 21, 2018


 Today, a little after sunrise, I was up writing and thinking about when I’d see her again. It’s not as if we’re an item, a couple or a thing but truthfully, we’re a lot more than just friends. She’s my favorite savage, cold and dismissive with everybody else but me. I even kept trying to find HER in other women but every single one of them failed because how could anyone else be what she was to me? I never had to question her loyalty or how she felt about me. She was the ONLY one who witnessed ALL of my dark times and never shied away. She knew my whole story because had been right there, even while dealing with her own storms. She never abandoned me. I looked out for her when I could, and as long as my kids had, I’d willingly give her my last. Even when I didn’t have it, she never panicked because she knew that if she needed it, I’d find a way to get it and she’d do the same for me. She was always there when I needed her. I can’t forget that so no matter who I’m with, no matter what she wants, I’m going all out to get it. She was one of the first people to believe in me and when the time came, she told me to quit my job and do this writing thing full time so when everyone else was surprised, she expected me to make that move. I knew in my heart that she would have been disappointed in me if I hadn’t taken that leap of faith to seize my destiny and make shit happen. My head had been full of doubts but she made me brave because of how she looked at me. Because of that, she can ask me anything and as if she heard my thoughts, my phone started to ring.
“Hello,” she said when I picked up on the second ring.
“What’s wrong?” I asked when I heard how she sounded.
“Nothing,” she answered followed by a series of sniffles that told me she had been crying.
“Seriously, what’s wrong?” I asked again.
“I’m tired,” she sighed and I knew she didn’t mean tired from work.
“Where are you? Do you need me to come through?” I asked, ready to drop what I was doing to fly over to wherever she was to make sure that she was okay.
“No, I’ll be fine. I’m just having a moment,” she told me.
“I keep tellin’ you to stay outta your feelings. Ain’t no money in there,” I joked with her.
Then there was an awkward, heavy moment of silence which was rare between us.
“Why aren’t we together?” she finally asked and the question caught me off guard. She had never asked me that before.
“I don’t know,” I stuttered. “You’re a savage…and I’m a monster. It would never work. We’d destroy each other…eventually,” I told her. I said the words but I wasn’t sure if I even believed that myself. Of course, because of how we were, because of our nature, that was a possibility but what if it wasn’t? What if she was the only one that could really love me and what if I was the only one who could love her the way she needed to be loved? I wondered what it could be if we just…let it happen.
“I’m tired of these fucking liars,” she told me.
“I’ve never lied to you,” I reminded her.
“I know,” she answered.
“Who’s playin’ with your heart? Who needs to get shot?” I asked and that made her laugh.
“It’s not that serious,” she giggled.
“Don’t laugh. You know I’m your favorite goon,” I added and even though I wasn’t there, I knew that she was wiping away her tears.
“I’m just tired of getting let down and being disappointed. I’m sick of these fuckin’ lames,” she complained.
“You just need some love,” I told her.
“Come give me some,” she told me.
“Tell me where you are and I’m on my way,” I answered.

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