Wanted

Wanted

The difference between being WANTED versus being needed is a divide as wide as the universe.

I recently watched a short clip of an interview where a male celebrity said that he likes to FEEL that his woman needs him. He admitted to actually craving that feeling. It seemed like a fairly reasonable statement, one that I’m sure many people would agree with. I think it’s also safe to assume that most people want to feel as if their significant other, their life partner, their lover…needs them. But, as I gave it some thought, I really started to wonder if being needed is something I want. I’ve been in relationships where I’m certain that my woman needed me, and I’m sure that I’ve needed woman before but as I reflected on the past, I sat back, prepared to smoke a cigar and really asked myself if that’s how I would really prefer for things to be.

I clipped the end of my Cohiba, then lit the tip with a real wooden match as I sat back and relaxed with thoughts of past relationships weighing heavily on my heart…or maybe the weight wasn’t actually on my heart but really on my brain because over the years I had recovered and healed from all of the past pain.

The smoke from the cigar hit my lungs but I didn’t hold it in for long. I let it go and as it danced around in front of my face, it formed a thick white cloud. In that cloud, I saw the shape of past histories that I thought I had buried, metaphorically speaking. I saw the faces of beautiful lovers, amazing women that I’ve loved and lived parts of my life with. I remembered the ones who truly loved me the most clearly…in vivid color. Some of the others I only saw in black & white and shades of grey, like old shows on a television set. I looked deeper and realized that they were all with me for different reasons and for my part, it was the same.

I used to want to feel needed but now I realize that THAT kind of connection, as real as it may seem, isn’t really healthy for me. I used to live, and love, as if I was trying to undo all of my father’s mistakes. I was obsessed with being a better man but, I only attracted people who needed saving whenever I put on that bright, red cape. I found out, through pain and misfortune that you can’t trust that kind of parasitic bond because both of you will always wonder about its sincerity. The question will always be, “Does she love you because she needs you or, is she in your bed because that’s where she wants to be?” That’s the question that will haunt you and eventually cause whatever you share to sour in the end.

There is POWER and MAGIC in wanting someone versus needing them. People always say that they like to feel needed but I disagree with most people. I don’t want to be NEEDED because I’ve learned that it’s much more REAL to be WANTED instead. It’s all about choice…and freedom. I know so many people who are ONLY cuffed together because, financially, they have to lean on each other just to get by, to have any kind of bearable life, even though they’re miserable together on most days. They lie to themselves and pretend to be good. I can’t, and won’t accept that kind of plastic, fake, twisted, painful existence. There is power and magic when she CAN do everything for herself but WANTS to be right next to you because she simply loves YOU. Desire makes her pull you close to her and THAT is the kind of real you can feel.

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