Jasmine from "Glass Goddesses, Concrete Walls"

***Yesterday I promised to feature Gia from my new book but while working on that chapter last night, I realized that it still needs a lot more work. I'm not a man to go against my word often so...I'll introduce you to Jasmine instead.***

Enjoy this preview of "Glass Goddesses, Concrete Walls" taken from a chapter titled: Of Flowers and Birds.

Time teases us constantly, consistently and cruelly throughout life. Sometimes the things that are best for us float by, just beyond the reach of our fingertips simply because they appeared at awkward moments while we were in the wrong frame of mind.

Occasionally weeks but more often months would pass without us seeing each other. Sometimes it was because I was caught up with my children's mother, wasting time and energy, fighting to fix a relationship that flies had been circling for a very long time. Every time I was done with that folly I found my way back to Jasmine's lips, all four of them. I was still fascinated by my freedom so there were other women as well but the light she cast was the brightest and always lit the way back to her. Out of all the storms I'd stood in and calmed, her tempest was the best.

"Men are always jealous. Why you never ask me where I am or who I'm with? You don't love me Papi?' she asked. The real truth was that I cared about her more than I was willing to admit. I didn't ask her questions because I never wanted her to ask me any. That's not to say that I wouldn't have been jealous if she was seeing other men but I paid for my own freedom by allowing her to keep hers. It seemed like a fair trade and I never expected her to complain. From everything I'd heard from the mouths of women, shouted or whispered, they wanted men and not jailers. Maybe women lied about that.

"I don't ask you questions because you're free Mama," I explained to her one spring afternoon on a pier close to where I lived. The wind had been blowing through her hair the same way it rippled across the surface of the water. As I looked down at the miniature waves all I could think about was how deep the water must have been. If I fell in I would most likely drown. I had never learned to swim although my children's mother had tried to teach me. I shouldn't be thinking of her right now, I remember telling myself.

"Suppose I don't want to be free Papi?" she asked as she ran her fingers against the stubble on my face as she was fond of doing. I took her hand to kiss it, first the soft palm and then the smooth, honey-brown side.

"You'll always be free as a bird. That's the only way I'll ever want you or have you. That's how I'll always treat you. That's the way I'll always keep you," I answered.

"Suppose I only want to sing for you my love?" she asked, folding her arms and pouting like a spoiled child.

"That's up to you. Sing for me but I'll never put you in a cage. My window is always open for you to fly away from me, whenever you're ready to," I said before I pressed my lips to hers. She wanted to be a flower just like her namesake, firmly rooted in place. I preferred her with wings. A sudden gust of breeze stirred up from the water and I've never known if that is what made her eyes water. As I said before, the smartest men make the biggest mistakes because they overlook the obvious. I couldn't tell if she wanted to kiss me again or toss me into the waves but for a moment, as I looked into her dark eyes, I realized that the waters below weren't really that deep.

I'll never forget the day of her birthday when she asked me for a gift that she desired more than anything else in the world. For all she had done for me she deserved whatever she wanted so I promised before I even knew what she would ask for. Parked on a quiet street close to her home, as rain beat down on my car, Jasmine gave me one whole year, all three hundred and sixty-five says, to decide if I wanted her to be mine alone. On her next birthday, if that was what I wanted, that is what she swore she'd be forever. I left her alone after that night.

Months went by before we spoke again but by then she had a boyfriend that was on the brink of becoming a fiancée. From everything she told me, I can't say that he wasn't a good man. He loved her son as if he was his own, eagerly embraced her family and wanted desperately to make her his wife. I shouldn't have stood a chance but I did. When I showed up she still chose me and whether it was because her heart was fickle or if it was just determined to have me, I have never been sure. Most likely it was a little bit of both. Women are like storms, powerful enough to sweep a man away but also dangerously unpredictable, especially for fools who presumed they could control them. I should have left her alone so that she could have forgotten about me but when I didn't, I suppose that makes me a villain. All the same, she was my eager, willing accomplice in all of it so the blame belongs to both of us. At first we only spoke on the phone. We talked for hours and towards the end of our conversation she told me about her tongue piercing and all the things she was going to show me. It all sounded like music. I didn't know her man so I had no conscience when it came to looking forward to the things she planned to do with me behind his back.

On the night Jasmine and I were supposed to go out I called her just before I left work. When she answered her phone, she made it clear that she was in the car with her fiancée. It was cute how she liked to remind me that he wanted to be her husband. I was surprised when she boldly told him that she was hanging out with me that night. She even told him my name to be sure that he knew that I was a male friend. I listened, literally in horror as he amiably agreed to let her spend time with me without even a miniscule hint of disapproval. His blind trust sickened me, not because I believed that women weren't to be trusted. I just knew that in this case, SHE wasn't to be trusted, at least not around me and especially because of the things I knew that she'd be doing by the end of the night.

When I got home that evening I showered and got dressed but never picked her up. I didn't even call to let her know that I wasn't coming. I would have if she had just lied to her man about everything outright but the way she dangled a half-truth draped in innocence in front of him disturbed me. It was disgustingly cruel and made me sick to my stomach even if I was the one who would benefit from her deception. I guess it's possible that I might not be a monster without a conscience after all. She was never far from my thoughts and her presence still lingered but I stayed far away from her until her birthday.

Three-hundred and sixty-five days had passed and here we were again, in the car with the music low as it rained outside, nowhere near as heavily as it had been exactly a year before. Jasmine seemed happy enough to see me. She kissed me more times within our first hour together than all the other women I'd been seeing in the months we'd been apart combined. It felt like she was savoring a last meal. Up until that point, I'd done well avoiding words spoken what seemed like a lifetime ago and the gift I'd promised her.

"Well?" she finally asked and I knew our time together was perched precariously on the edge of a precipice.

"Well what?"

"Don't play with me. You know what!" Now she wasn't smiling. The rain came heavier when our eyes met. When I was a child an old woman told me that whenever it rained, it was the heavens weeping for our suffering and pain on earth. Most words are wind, especially the ones shared between lovers enthralled for a moment. Some of mine have always been concrete, even when I remained silent and never spoke them. "Free as a bird," she said with tears in her eyes that flowed heavier than the rain outside. I had to look away from her or drown.

That was the last time I ever showed up to interfere in her life because I wasn't selfish enough to stay in it. By her own doing, her love for me had locked her in a cage even though I did not wish it so.

***I hope that this has wet your appetite to read more. I'm working hard to finish this up soon. As usual, feel free to leave comments and feedback. Thanks for reading***

AND..................

While you're waiting for me to finish up my latest...here's the link for the books I've already released: http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0063K6JJC