Wednesday, August 29, 2018

YOU - Volume 2


YOU Vol 2

Timing…
Is something that I’ve always struggled with…
And it hasn’t always been my friend.
It never seems to be in synch with where I am…
Or the things I want to do…
Especially with YOU…
But, as you once told me…
What’s supposed to be…
Will be.
And speaking of time…
At 1am last night…
When I felt like I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep…
I wrote this right before my eyes closed.

I suppose that most people find me complicated and confusing but, I’m a writer so that’s how I’m supposed to be. I think it might be coded into my genetics and that’s why I’m so unapologetic about the way I am. I can only be me and I’m not interested in faking being someone else…not even for likes, love or adoration.
A few days ago, I was ready to say everything that’s been on my mind. I thought about writing it all down too but if I did, the list would stretch from here to the moon. All of those things I would have scribbled on paper were all things I should have told YOU, every single thing I wanted to show YOU. Every word I wanted to spill is all true but, as usual, the universe is playing games so I’m not sure if I’m too late or too soon.
I apologize if I’m too late. I had a lot going on while I was gone. I loved YOU then but guilt wouldn’t let me stay and that may sound insane but, let me explain. I looked at the road ahead of me and knew that nothing about it was going to be easy. (It’s better now but it’s still rough at times.) Even though I loved YOU then, as I love YOU now, I didn’t think it was fair to drag YOU through all of that. It didn’t even feel right to ask YOU to wait until everything was straight and maybe that was one of my MANY mistakes. I know that I should have given YOU the choice to stay or walk away. It wasn’t an easy choice for me to make but I don’t regret making it. Even though I’ve suffered on the road I’m on, I would never want YOU to. Loving someone is also knowing when to let go. I was never sure what WE were…not really…but I always looked forward to seeing YOU. But, there was always the voice in my head, telling me to be careful…so I hesitate and that’s what makes me feel like I might be too late. I’m sorry if I am.
There are a million things I’ve always wanted to say and YOU’ve already warned me about waiting around for “One Day” to say them.
I’m getting sleepy but before I go, even if I might be too late, I need to tell YOU this. Thank YOU. There are so many things I had stopped believing in until I met YOU. Some of it really did feel like a film, playing out on a screen in a way that some people only dream of. My problem was that I was always too concerned with how the movie might end, instead of just living in the moments we had. YOU once told me that, what is meant to be, will be…so, I guess we’ll see. And if this movie doesn’t end with YOU here with me, just remember that I loved YOU anyway. It might not seem like a big deal to someone on the outside…even if I told them the whole story but, YOU were always a big deal to me.    

Copyright © 2018 Keith Kareem Williams
All rights reserved.




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